I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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