Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
