You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
