i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
