That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
