and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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