Tell her she can't have a vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dear god my vagina.
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