brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
