i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
