Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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