Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
