There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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