when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
