honey bunches of taint.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
