nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
