Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
