I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
