i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
