i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
