Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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