Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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