did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
