i just wanna soil my oats bro
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
50% drunk capacity currently
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
