My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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