Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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