apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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