Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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