i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
