All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
