I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
