I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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