Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
