alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
