I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
