the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
