the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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