3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize