party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
