Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just found puke in my bra..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
