the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
