do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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