Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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