I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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