He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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