It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
