I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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