Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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