Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
