I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
