dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
