I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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